Entries about family

I know you care
I feel it all around me
When I am near or far
It extends any distance
Winding its way across oceans
Through narrow dimly lit roads
Through the cracks in the pavement
Through the cracks in those cracks

Slipping under my door
Your warmth lights my world
I close the door sometimes, not to keep others out
But to reinforce a state of security I am lacking within myself
I cover up the cracks in my brick walls with brightly coloured pictures
Not just for the mental escape they offer me
But to disguise the fact that I am living within the confines of these walls
Too scared?
Too worried?
Not afraid of who I am, but afraid of the person I have lost

I feel so free some days
Like I can do anything
Conquer every fear I’ve ever had
But my biggest fear is not heights, nor strangers, not even falling
But the fear of being forgotten
Of being left behind

Will you remember me after I tell you my name?
Will you remember my name after you forget my face?
Plunged into darkness
Sometimes I feel alone and scared
Sometimes I feel weak and inferior

But it is your light
Your warmth
Your love
That chases those shadows away
Once again I am free
Untouchable
Nothing can stop me

Without your light I do not know which abyss I could have disappeared into
Even when I was standing on the edge
Losing my balance
Your light guided me

Please know I care
There might be mountains and oceans between us
Or perhaps a gentle stream
You are the air beneath my wings
And with your light
I am free.

Firstly, I apologise for such a late entry. Over the festive season, I didn’t get a chance to write and for the past two weeks I’ve been on the road/sick, so here’s a few entries I’ve been meaning to type up. Enjoy!

“It will be lonely this Christmas…”

The song that echoed throughout my mind with the festive season rapidly approaching. Personally, Christmas is the epitome of family. Each year, I’d be woken up at the crack of dawn by my brother and sister and practically carried up the stairs whilst still half asleep to find the lounge room dotted with beautifully wrapped gifts. Obviously as a child, Christmas means Santa and presents. And over time, when you slowly figure things out, you realize just how lucky you are to be sitting there surrounded by people who love and adore you.

However, this year was very different, with my biggest concern being that there would be no afternoon dip down at the beach, prawns, mangoes, or sweet summer dresses. No, the biggest thing was not being able to hug my family on Christmas day and tell them how much I love them. And yes I know how incredibly cheesy it seems, but you really don’t realize just how lucky you are until you’re in a situation where you don’t have it.
Thankfully, my house, little old Clarendon 9, has become my home and my housemates, my family. Twisted, unconventional, dysfunctional but when we need eachother, we’re there. And I couldn’t have asked to spend Christmas with more wonderful people.

Our London Christmas was complete with a little Christmas tree with lights and tinsel, Michael Buble’s Christmas album, a magnificent feast and secret santa. There was enough food to feed an entire army. We popped all of our Christmas crackers, put on our colourful hats, read our horrible jokes and handed out presents. And what is a secret santa without the ultimate gag present… a dildo. And that dildo went on to feature in every photo for the rest of the day. We keep it classy at Clarendon.

We danced, ate and drank the night away. Even though I didn’t spend Christmas with my family in Australia, I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas with my own little London family. I had many mixed feelings over the festive season. My year is coming to an end, yet it’s just the beginning of so many new adventures. It also got me thinking about where I’ll be next Christmas, or the year after. I guess these questions can’t be answered now because as I’m well aware, so much can change over the course of a year. All I can hope for is that I’ll be with people who love and care about eachother, we eat a little too much food and drink a little too much red wine and we just have a lovely day.

Merry Christmas

Xxx

A